we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
