He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
