I looked at my own cervix.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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