Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
only i would get off to receiving death threats online