Texts From Last Night

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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  She said she didn't have time to shave "there"

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.

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  (781): She said she didn't have time to shave "there" (617): Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster. http://tfl.nu/ama3
  Replies (58) Good night (818) Bad night (4618)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.

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  (703): Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates. http://tfl.nu/cs1d
  Replies (24) Good night (1593) Bad night (4084)
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  (518): View more from New York

  Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man

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  (518): Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man http://tfl.nu/kiog
  Replies (32) Good night (2493) Bad night (4931)
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  (707): View more from California

  I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.

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  (707): I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday. http://tfl.nu/uhpk
  Replies (26) Good night (4349) Bad night (1079)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"

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  (360): Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?" http://tfl.nu/c0v9
  Replies (13) Good night (8890) Bad night (990)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.

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  (402): I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members. http://tfl.nu/ande
  Replies (19) Good night (1792) Bad night (3598)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers

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  (850): They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers http://tfl.nu/xy1w
  Replies (9) Good night (1021) Bad night (2123)
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  (556): View more from

  Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard

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  (556): Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard http://tfl.nu/2l07
  Replies (10) Good night (2038) Bad night (667)
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  (925): View more from California

  Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.

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  (925): Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs. http://tfl.nu/ssx7
  Replies (13) Good night (1764) Bad night (534)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.

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  (613): We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me. http://tfl.nu/jjop
  Replies (9) Good night (1913) Bad night (552)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.

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  (804): I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up. http://tfl.nu/0inz
  Replies (16) Good night (1195) Bad night (704)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage

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  (608): and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage http://tfl.nu/5cg3
  Replies (0) Good night (336) Bad night (768)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude

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  (315): Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time? (540): Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude http://tfl.nu/szgw
  Replies (9) Good night (999) Bad night (2202)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.

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  (712): I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex. http://tfl.nu/brxy
  Replies (3) Good night (1000) Bad night (309)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions

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  (540): the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions http://tfl.nu/22up
  Replies (1) Good night (595) Bad night (301)

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