fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third