Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.