I got chris browned last night
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.