i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
