I wanna bring you to show and tell
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
We are all done wearing pants today
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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