Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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