dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
