You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize