i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
