she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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