Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
