some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
