i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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