it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just took my morning after pill in the library
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
