if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
