we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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