TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
