First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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