Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
My cat gives me a boner
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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