Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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