Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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