porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
