So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
