Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
