I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize