What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
