Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Randomize
