I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
