dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
it was like having sex with a tree stump
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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