I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
