could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
