I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She tied me up with her honor cords...
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Did I show you my penis last night?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
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I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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