It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
