On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
