Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
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