They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
