I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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