i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
