just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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