His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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