haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
