I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
