I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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