Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
