Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
