What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
