I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
