Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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