she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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