Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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