im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
