The maid of honor just puked.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
