I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Enjoy the penises
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize