Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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