I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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