just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
i believe in u and ur pee
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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