If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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