What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
