He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
