Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
