i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
