Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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