yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
