The maid of honor just puked.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
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