i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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