You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
