Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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