Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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