I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
