Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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