Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
