If i come over, it means nothing
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
