I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
