remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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