I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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