i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
