READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
