Where did you get a picture of my penis
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
