Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hippo gnu deer
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
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