u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
