I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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