The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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