you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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