i can't believe i had my finger in that
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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