I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
The Olympian is in my bed
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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