What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
